Cram it!

Mister and I do this weird thing in the morning, where we both pick up our phones and before we really say good morning or acknowledge to each other that we are awake, we check Twitter, Instagram and in my case but not his, Facebook. I know that it is probably kind of gross that we do that, but it is what it is.  Anyway, I was peering at Twitter through one sleepy red eye and thought I must be dreaming;

http://pitchfork.com/news/44040-listen-torche-cover-guided-by-voices/

WHAT? IS? HAPPENING???

That is seriously harder for me to get my head around than the Lou Reed and Metallica thing was. (Probably partially because, I am sorry to say this because I know it is frowned upon, I don't really like Guided By Voices that much. Commence with the death threats, indie rock spazzers.) The thing that is the best about this super weird cover is that it is GOOD. Like SO GOOD.

Sigh. Torche is my boyfriend.

You know what is not good? The rash of really embarrassing public displays of deep douchiness by various institutions in Edmonton. I try to avoid internet fighting (my own and others'), because I get too riled and stop sleeping and start being grumpy to baristas and boyfriends, but frankly I am fucking tired of reading Jezebel articles about how shitty Edmonton is, especially when radio contests, fake tits billboards, lipstick-mouth shaped urinals and so on make it really REALLY hard to argue that this city that I love is not a backwater cesspool.

Who knows? Maybe it is. Maybe Edmonton is that shitty ex-boyfriend that you didn't realize TOTALLY sucked until a year after you left him and then you're mad that you wasted your hot years defending him to your friends.

Anyway, I signed a petition to stop The Bear's 'Win A Russian Bride' contest and received this absolutely amazing letter in response, stating that I must not understand the contest and that it had a different name now, so I shouldn't be mad:

 "From: "Vavrek, Rob" <rvavrek@astral.com>
To: Amelia Shultz-McPherson <>
Sent: Wednesday, September 21, 2011 11:16:21 AM
Subject: RE: Close the WIN A WIFE contest and publicly acknowledge its inappropriateness

Dear Amelia, we apologize that you have taken offense with our current contest as that was certainly not our intention and no disrespect was meant through this contest. Unfortunately, there seems to have been some misunderstanding  around the actual contest and what it entails.

 

The contest is being held in association with A Volga Girl, a serious and renowned company with offices in Canada. The company provides single and consenting adults, who have been screened and selected, the opportunity to contact and meet each other in the hopes of developing a serious relationship—a concept very similar to many other such contests held on reality-TV shows over the past few years around the world (i.e. - the Bachelor/Bachelorette). Rigorous selection criteria and principles of mutual consent, respect, and freedom of choice for each participant are at the very heart of this contest and all contests run by The Bear for its listeners and web users.

I also encourage you to refer to the contest rules by clicking here.

 

Also, to avoid any further confusion or misunderstanding regarding the contest, we have changed the name to Win a Russian Romance, as romance suggests an experience in which one has a chance to meet somebody in romantic circumstances, maybe even a soul mate. The contest consists of a trip to Russia and an introduction package with fully consenting adults. Nothing more is involved unless the willing and consenting parties agree to continue on and have a relationship on their own accord, a service that many online dating services provide such as Plenty o Fish, eHarmony, and Lavalife.

 

Once again we appreciate your comments and I can assure you all feedback from our listeners/web viewers is appreciated and held in the highest respect.

 

Warm Regards, Rob"

 ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? GAAAAHHH!!!

So here is what I said to Rob. I was trying to make words through sputtering rage, so it is not as articulate as I wish it had been, but:

"Wow, thanks for the incredibly condescending form email. Believe it or not, I do, in fact, understand the aim of your radio contest and renaming it after the fact not make it any less gross. This response makes it even more so. I suspect that YOU don't understand. Edmonton is all over the international press these days because of things like this, and we are a laughing stock. I hope you are proud.

Citing shows like the Bachelor/Bachelorette, (which are both also classless sexist trash) doesn't do much to help your cause. I hardly think that the standards of the worst of reality television should be the standards you hold yourself to.

I am tired of trying to defend Edmonton against outside criticism when things like this undermine anything I could possibly say trying to lead people to the conclusion that Edmonton is not a backwater hillbilly outpost. Catering to the lowest common denominator hurts us all. You are so embarrassing.

Regards,

Amelia"

 Help me, Edmonton. Help me love you.

One thing that IS totally great is that Dara Humniski, talent monster, got commissioned to to an installation in the Art Gallery of Alberta. Read about it here.   Dara has been recognized internationally for her work with Loyal Loot, she makes the most Want-List worthy jewellery in the city, and it is really really awesome to see someone so gifted and hard working get such a sweet gig.

I guess all we can do is try to do as many awesome things as possible and hopefully the howling goons won't drown us out entirely or depress us out of town.

I know that this is the season that everyone freaks out and gets super active about making stuff, so it will all be okay. It just gets scary when it feels like the fuckheads are winning. 

Check out these, um, Pearl Necklaces (Sterling silver. Schlorp!!) by Leah Piepgras. While you are checking them out, please buy me one, as they are hilarious:

Also, if I don't stop being so pissed off all the time, I may have to start wearing head to toe glitter every day, just to be able to have nice feelings again. Sequin Queen! I need you!

xo!

RUSH is the worst band in the world.

Well. Yesterday was kind of the shits. Not in any clanging disaster sort of way, just sort of quietly not my fucking day, you know? I tried to work it out with a little retail therapy (didn't buy the faux leather party dress, but I DID pick up a rather scandalous skirt from the same line that is pretty cute) but for the most part things were not going as planned, and that stuck in my craw. I arrived back at the snuggle shack and checked the mailbox and SHAZAM! Day saved by the world's cutest mail presents from sweet miss Harriett, referred to hereafter as the cutest lady in all the land.

(I don't know if you can tell, but Royal Mail has shiny gold stamps and I am SO JEALOUS.)

If you have ever followed the million links I have posted to her blog, Bright Young Twins, you will know that she lives in a beautiful time warp and dresses in head-to-toe perfect vintage every day, and so of course she sent me perfect presents from the past.

 So cute! Are you kidding me?!

Everything was wrapped in such precious little parcels that I barely wanted to open them up:

But then I got over it:

Pow! A tiny cute mirror, perfect because I have been fixing my lipstick in the cruddy smashed mirror in my old wallet and thinking about BAD LUCK every time. Pearl necklace in my favorite colour ever with a matching beautiful enamel and rhinestone thistle brooch and coolest of all, a collection of 1950s pinup temporary tattoos! So sweet! I had no idea that temporary tattoo technology went that far back. Now we know.

So. Thanks and a million hugs and kisses to Harriett for saving the day with her kindness and impeccable taste.

It always becomes obvious when I have started to absorb the fact that cold times are coming, because I hole up and get crafty. Usually that involves taking on large projects for which I have absolutely none of the required skills at all (remember when I was going to design a full line of lingerie? WHAT?) The Mister's sister is having a little she-baby in December and I decided to get granny about it and make a baby quilt.

I have no idea how to make a baby quilt.

But I'm trying. I picked fabric, which was harder than I actually thought it would be, as fabric stores are overwhelming, especially to impulse shoppers like me... There is a lot of pink, which I was a little conflicted about, but the mom-to-be is into girly things, so I thought I would save my nudging of gender stereotypes for when I buy the chick a drum kit for her 3rd birthday.
So, pretty pink it is:

I quickly realized that making a quilt requires quite a bit of precision. I am not very good at precision.

So far it seems to be working.

So far, no major disasters. I am hoping the slight crookedness comes off as charming, rather than pathetic. I think I am going to make some cute hearts or stars or something and attach them on top of the patchwork background to break it up a little, surround the whole thing in a seafoam green border and I think that will be it.

(Sorry about the fuzzy photo, that thing was hanging off my ironing board and it was hard to get a reasonable shot).  Anyway, so there's that.

This weekend is going to be so good. So busy, but so good. I am really looking forward to Bob Log III at New City. He hasn't brought his cocaine stomp to dirt town for so long, and although I seem to recall getting into a bitchy fight with an ex about whether or not I was allowed to comply with Bob's request to have the audience ladies flash their racks, I think that this time around will be better, now that there is no one contesting ownership of my boobs. Also, I wish I could sit down and have a chat with 2003 Amelia. I could have saved that chick an ocean of trouble.

On Saturday I'm starting out at the final Wet Secrets show before lovely miss Donna Ball leaves us for true love, which is patiently waiting for her in Glasgow. I selfishy wish she'd stay forever, but moving across the world for love is wicked romantic and really we are all so happy for her.

After that I am going to see Black Thunder with the Get Down at New City. When Brontoscorpio played that Beatroute thing in May, Black Thunder played the afterparty and I almost lost my mind when I heard them. They look like IT nerds and sound like total shredding rock and roll destruction. Seriously, their drummer may be my new favorite and that is saying something. I highly recommend that if you are around you should check it out.  The only video I can find of Black Thunder does them no justice whatsoever, so you're gonna have to take my word for it. Also, the Get Down is awesome every time, as we know.

Perhaps a hot rock infusion will cure me of my need to make fluffy pink quilts, at least for a little while. Sometimes it's like I don't even know myself anymore.

Recipe for specialty drinks for Friday and Saturday:

26 oz whiskey

Serve in 1 oz glasses at regular intervals throughout the evening.

Do/Do Not

Montreal ladies have been getting busy... Myrtle and Pearls (superfox Genevieve Savard) just released her look book for next season: http://myrtleandpearls.blogspot.com/2011/09/catalogue-look-book.html

She's also got lots of hot treats on her Etsy page here: http://www.etsy.com/shop/GenevieveSavard?ref=top_trailhttp://www.etsy.com/shop/GenevieveSavard?ref=top_trail.

I also hear that Ursa Minor Studio (Elizabeth Hudson, who I miss like crazy ALL THE TIME) is launching some new pieces to make me die from all the wanting (handcut leather skirt, once my Europe debt is less life threatening, you will be MINE. We were made for each other... don't fight it.)

Skirt preview:

AMAZING! GIVE ME THAT!
http://ursaminorstudio.blogspot.com/

Talented babes.

These are not Ursa Minor, they are Miu Miu, but look at how much I should have these for fall times:

And I also just want you to look at my favorite line ever; Boudoir Queen:

If I could pull off this aesthetic, I would buy out this whole collection and dress like this every day: http://www.theboudoirqueen.com/


Speaking of talented babes, still haven't totally recovered from the screening of The Passion of Joan of Arc at the new Metro theatre (formerly the Garneau). The film itself was beautiful. Filmed in 1928 by director Carl Theodor Dreyer, featuring an unknown street performer as the lead (who apparently had an emotional breakdown afterward and never appeared in another film ever again... ROMANTIC!), it is all oppressive camera angles, expressive faces.

The soundtrack, played live by Smokey and crew, was the part that was really a gutpunch though. God, they did it just right. I am so fucking haunted. I actually almost had to leave at one point. The film was so weighted with heavy anxiety and the musicians were not going to make it any easier on us and it got hard to breathe. I hope that they are freaking out about how talented they are right now. They held everyone in that theatre captive for an hour and a half, and then turned everyone into the street with their heavy feelings. We all had to have a howling smash dance party afterward, to recover.

Remember these awesome guys? This band was my favorite circa 2001:

On Friday I did my girlfriendly duty and worked the merch table for Christian Hansen and the Autistics at the Dinwoodie. The most hilarious part of the night was that there was this guy there who kept telling me over and over that he was on The Bachelorette, and then telling me that he wanted to beat up all of the nerdy university kids there (he called them something else that I shall not repeat). He gave me a beer after that, which was confusing, because I was fairly openly hostile, but he's one of those dudes that mistakes a lady stuck behind a merch table for a lady who's hanging out nearby because she is SUPER INTERESTED in hearing about your reality TV career. 

(I googled him and he WAS actually on The Bachelorette: http://www.starsofreality.com/Bachelorette-Contestants-2011-16965472?page=0,0,10

He got kicked off part way through the first episode.

Anyway, at the end of the night he decided he was going to teach me how to hustle tshirts, because I was apparently not trying hard enough to scam school kids out of their money and I had to get pretty clear about what I thought about that and he oozed off into the night.

Kind of depressing though, it seems like reality TV contestants are the new child stars. Like, really? Being on a spin-off show (that I think no one watches? Does anyone watch that show?) for 20 minutes defines your whole life now? Even though that guy was saying awful things and being really irritating, that is still really sad.

Ok. Here we are. The end.
It is beautiful autumn out now, and you know what that means? It means pass me the carbs, it's almost hibernating time. Sweet potato season is upon us and I, for one, am going to take advantage. Sorry vegans, this one's not for you, unless you want to sub the sour cream.

Sweet Potato Wedges with Ginger Dipping Sauce

·  2 lbs sweet potatoes, scrubbed and unpeeled
·  3 tbsp olive oil
·  1 tsp each Chinese five-spice, ground cumin, and ground coriander
·  1 1/2 tsp salt
·  Pinch cayenne pepper
·  2/3 cup sour cream
·  1 tsp ground ginger
·  1 tsp smoked paprika
·  1 tbsp honey
·  1 tbsp fresh lime juice

·  Preheat oven to 425 deg. F.
·  Cut potatoes into equal-size wedges. Toss wedges with oil and spices and season with salt. Spread on a baking sheet.
·  Bake in the middle of the oven for 25 to 30 minutes or until tender and golden-coloured. Turn wedges over after 15 minutes.
·  For dipping sauce, stir together sour cream, ginger, paprika, honey and lime juice in a small bowl. Refrigerate until ready to serve with wedges.

Yum! Let's get so chubby together, bundle up in blankets and snuggle!

L'amour Gl'amour

Any time a music website declares that they are excited about whatever Feist is up to, they immediately lose all credibility and I am prone to hate every other musician they feature.

I hate female singer-songwriters in general. I think this stems back to watching Alannis try to reinvent herself as a palsied malcontent who tells-it-like-it-is (a term for people who don't actually know what it is, let alone what it is like). Thankfully she namasted back out of the public eye, but god... she sucked for so many years! It seems like there is a resurgence, sort of, and it has made me fill up my iPod with metal, stocking up just in case like everything else about the 90s, the Imbruglia Kreviasuk vomitron wave comes rolling back to drown us in saccarine vagina ballads. I know I am not supposed to think these things, that I am supposed to, as a girl who plays music, raise a fist for other girls who play music, but I can't. I don't want to hear your sticky songs about your boring relationships.

I know there are a whole host of male singer songwriters that bring the heavy schmaltz, who are the new rom-com soundtrack staples, who make my butt clench with embarrassment any time I accidentally catch the lyrics they are singing. I know that. All I am saying is that I see a trend, and that trend is GROSS.

----

Anyway, speaking of music, last night the mister and I dropped in at The Audio Department's grand opening party to check out Nik Kozub and Terry Tran's new space. It RULES SO HARD! It is so gigantic, and really really nice. They have loads of gear and it is really well set up.  They must be so happy. The party was really cute. A little sausage-y, but I think that's how it goes. Many many cute pals. It was nice to be out in public with my man. That barely happens. As a non-drinker, he is rarely interested in doing the same things I am, as what I am often interested in doing is getting slurry and acting like a dick, but it was really cute to go out in public and hold hands. Anyway, The Audio Department site is here: http://theaudiodepartment.ca/site/

----
Short one today! No recipe! I have to go and be the merch muffin at a show at Dinwoodie tonight. Time to transform from office schlub to glamourrrrrrr!!

Oh yeah, speaking of which, I found this super cute faux black leather party dress and I contemplated it for a really long time and ended up leaving it. Please answer me this: Am I too old to wear a faux leather party dress? I honestly can't decide.

----


Ok, that's all. I will leave you with this classic gem:

xo

Curses

I did a bit of research into how/if I should try to curse my horrid neighbours. What my research yielded, I don't know if you were aware, is that the internet is full of howling nutbags.

I found a really helpful how-to published by a "famed sorcerer" named Damien Mulkrin in The Weekly World News Online (do people that read the WWN know how to work the internet? I am confused about so many things.) As far as I can tell it is a streamlined system (no more tedious all night curse ceremonies, thank GOD, because who has time??) wherein one must sit on the floor at midnight and say evil live, live evil for a few minutes and then think bad thoughts about someone and then go back to bed satisfied that they'll get theirs.

Here's what Mulkrin has to say about it: “Sorcerers, witches and warlocks aren’t the only people who can cast spells and put curses on people. With a little training, anyone can do it – even you,” said Mulkrin, whose frightening new book, When Bad Things Happen to Bad People, is slated for a winter release. “In fact, my 4-point plan is simple enough for a child to follow." (I have no doubt, Mr. Mulkrin). I have decided not to post the 4-point plan to unleash the powers of evil, as I would hate to be partially responsible for the results, and also I don't want to plagiarize from someone whose business is demonic vengeance, just in case. )
Here's more from Mulkrin on how quick and easy his system is. If you are convinced, maybe you should pick up his book.
“In ancient times sorcerers relied on elaborate rituals to punish their enemies, but in this day and age, with people having so many demands on their time, these rituals are obsolete. By distilling the process, I have sped things up. If you are of average intelligence, and put your mind to it, there is no reason you can’t put a curse on someone in five minutes or less.”

While I was on the WWN site I found this amazing article about how Justin Bieber is a cross dresser. Dig the tech savvy going on in the WWN photo department. Outstanding.

For the sake of smart shopping, I checked out a couple of other DARK ARTS PRACTITIONER FOR HIRE sites (hee hee)...
Joshua
Spells and magic and spelling atrocities!

Ok fine, so obviously cursing is for crazy people.

Speaking of crazy people, I have been sort of living in dread of when this song comes up on my iPod on shuffle. All kinds of weird highschool Mazzy Star feelings, which are frightening when they happen to a lady of my age:

God. Why is all the music coming out this summer/fall so fucking smashy on the heart? It's not like we need any help feeling mopey, given that it is colder and darker every day and we are fucking IN FOR IT this winter, I have a feeling.

Give me all of these garments: http://vintagetextile.com/edwardian.htm I have decided to spend the winter dressed like this, floating around my house like a ghost, singing tunelessly.

Speaking of ghosts, the Vue Magazine Blue Revue dirty movie festival last night was pretty hilarious. PBGJ?? Are you kidding me? I don't know that I am ever going to be able to eat peanut butter again. Jon Mick is a funny funny man. I am bummed that I didn't see more of the films (and, I don't want to be a dick or anything but I am equally bummed that I DID see one in particular... yikes, don't take the assignment so literally, hippies. Gross). The burlesque part of it was really fun. Those kind of laid back, low-stress shows are the best. All the fun with none of the pants-shitting.

Look how stupid and funny these are: (Can you believe the Miss Canada outfit? Can people DO THAT in 2011??)
http://www.tomandlorenzo.com/2011/09/miss-universe-2011-national-costumes.html
http://www.tomandlorenzo.com/2011/09/miss-universe-2011-national-costumes-part-two.html

In keeping with our hocusy pocusy theme, I'll finish off with a recipe for LOVE POTION. OoooOOOOooooo...

(This came from a site that used almost exclusively Comic Sans, so I wouldn't get high hopes about this working. Comic Sans is the least magical of all the fonts, in my opinion).

LOVE POTION TEA

1 pinch of rosemary
2 teaspoons of black tea
3 pinches thyme
3 pinches nutmeg
3 fresh mint leaves
6 fresh rose petals
6 lemon leaves
3 cups pure spring water
Sugar
Honey
To make another person fall in love with you, brew this tea on a Friday during a waxing moon (moving from empty to full).
Place all ingredients in an earthenware or copper tea kettle. Boil three cups of pure spring water and add to the kettle. Sweeten with sugar and honey, if desired.

Before drinking, recite this rhyme:

BY LIGHT OF MOON WAXING
I BREW THIS TEA
TO MAKE [lover's name] DESIRE ME.


Drink some of the tea and say:
GODDESS OF LOVE
HEAR NOW MY PLEA
LET [lover's name] DESIRE ME!
SO MOTE IT BE
SO MOTE IT BE
On the following Friday, brew another pot of the love potion tea and give some to the person you want to love you. He or she will soon begin to fall in love with you.

The internet scares the shit out of me sometimes.

Storytime, not sleepytime.

Like everyone else in the western world, I had this read to me at least once a week for at least three or four years of my childhood, and it was awesome and I have loads of nostalgic fuzziness about it:

Years went by and for a variety of reasons I have turned out the way I have (dirtbag), and obviously it is no coincidence (am I blaming Goodnight Moon? Sort of?), because look at what a kindred dirtbag (with double plus genius) has made:

And because Bruce Worden and Clare Cross are not uptight weirdos about the internet and understand that sharing awesome things is smarter, they made the whole book available online, so settle in for story time, loves. (Apologies all around for the crappy formatting, but if I make the photos smaller the text is too hard to read. It just hast to be this way. Ok. Snuggle in and let's begin.)

(when you hear this sound you will know it is time to turn the page)

(This actually for real looks like the jamspace that The Skinny used to share with Whitey Houston and some other bands. Fucking putrid. I am amazed we didn't all contract cholera).

 (Don't fall asleep yet, little skid.)

Wasn't that nice?

Now dream nice dreams of delightful things like rose margaritas, curious forest friends and hot ladies in their thirties that front metal bands because that is an awesome thing to do:

 

Also please give me this:

(From http://www.morninggloryjewelry.com/necklaces-signed-c-22.html. Ignore the embarrassingly bad website, please. I want every single thing they are selling.)

In less gloriously sparkly news, my awful neighbours kept me up all night again. I am trying hard not to ACTUALLY wish they would die, because I am not certain where I stand on the dubious science of controlling events with willpower, but fuck man... I at least wish that their shouting mouths would be skin-welded shut between the hours of midnight and 6 AM and that they would learn how to work their fucking alarm clock so that it doesn't go off at 4:45 AM and continue to do so through the night. Impotent rage. Does anyone know any good curses? I will do a blog on curses soon, I think.   I try not to be a dreadful human, but it gets tough when your sleep is robbed by people who are failing at loving each other and react by staying up all night howling hate sounds at each other in what I think is Cantonese, smashing each others' belongings against the other side of our bedroom wall while The Mister and I lay victim with big eyes and feel lots of things and wish for our sleep back. 

 

Har. See what I did there?

Two of my ultra babely and talented Berlin friends have started this to show all of us the things they do that we should pay attention to because they are awesome:

http://heartandartlove.tumblr.com/

I tried really hard to find a rose margarita because it seems like rose would be tasty with tequila, but apparently it doesn't exist and the closest thing I could find was something called a Brown Eye (!!!) and it sounded disgusting so here is a super girly rose martini recipe that I found. I'm about due for a lady party at my house so maybe we can whip some of these up and sashay about.

• 1 1/2 oz. vodka
• 1 oz. white crème de cacao
• 1/4 oz. rosewater
• small pieces of Turkish delight or rose petals to garnish
• 1 drop rose food color

Bye!
xo

  

Sparkling sleep.

You know all those weird movies that came out in the early 2000s where there was a magic remote control that could pause time? (Maybe it was just one? Was Adam Sandler in it? Did I actually see it? I am unsure about all of these things.) One of those would really come in handy right about now. I would just like two free days of sleep. No rushing and 25 projects on the go, all overdue, just sleep. Maybe I could make my magic remote unpause my dog and my mister too so we could make a blanket fort in the living room and get snuggly. Just for a couple of days. Please.

Thanks to everyone who came to the CCB AC/DC burlesque show on Saturday. That was SO FUN. It is 100% the reason that I want to pause and hide and sleep for a couple of days, but also 100% worth it. Our leader, Delilah Manhandler, really outdid herself this time. Check out these sexy Oompa Loompas (who danced to Little Lover, obvs):

Totally amazing.

If you missed it and are sad about that, there will be an encore performance of a couple of Saturday's numbers at Vue Magazine's Blue Revue party on Wednesday at Metro Theatre (formerly the Garneau) along with some CCB classics not to mention all the Blue Revue dirty movies! Yow! Hopefully we will see you seeing us there.

In the mean time, here is Kurt Vile, the fragglehot, ruling and heartbreaking, as per usual:

Sigh.

Also - holy crap, this is going to pop your head right off - (via my lovely friends at Bright Young Twins):

This is so beautiful that it basically hurts me to look at it... every piece in the collection is the best thing I have ever seen...

Here's a photo to entice you to actually go to the link, you lazy bums:

Gaaaah! WANT! IT! ALL!

Anyway, it actually felt like autumn today. Everyone has pink cheeks and layers on. Early autumn is the best time of year, I think. Everyone's scampering around trying to make all the fun they can before winter drops and cripples us all for 6 deep freeze months. Everyone is doing EVERYTHING.

Also things are getting different. I can't decide how yet. It just seems like it.

It seems like we should be storing things away in our little dens for winter. Like vodka pickles. Cooking with liquor is the best for reasons that should be obvious for anyone who is enough of a dirtbag to be my friend (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vLYxeJjxc8s) so vodka pickles seem like the perfect fall recipe.

Here you go, lushes!

Vodka Pickles
3 medium cucumbers
2 c water
1/4 c salt
1/4 c vodka
1/2 c white vinegar
6 cloves garlic(sliced or crushed)
3 chili peppers(chopped) (you can sub chili flakes)
6 sprigs dill (chopped)

Cut up cucumbers, pack loosley in 1 quart jar
Bring liquids and salt to a boil
Add spices to jar
Cover and store in refridgerator
Put all remaining vodka in your friend Amelia's mouth, possibly with some frozen berries, cran & soda
Pickles are ready in one week.

I have to confess that I have not tried this yet, so no crapping your pants if the recipe sucks, but maybe that will be my goal for later this week.  When I have unpaused.

xo!

Desperate times, measures.

Friends...

That thing I said about maxing my credit to go on vacation and letting future Amelia suck on that rotten egg?? Well, it's me, future Amelia, and this egg tastes TERRIBLE. Fuck you, past Amelia. It's a good thing you enjoyed that vacation, you ASSHOLE.

So. We do autumn on a budget. This is doable, right? Some thrifted cardigans and a couple of homemade scarves over a summer dresses should hold me over until at least October, right? Right? Yeah right. I am screwed. I am going to be hunkered in my freezing apartment, eating boiled root vegetables and trying to figure out how to knit jeans by candle light.Wah.

This whole blog is devoted to penny pinching. It is not that hard, if you try. I am terrible with money, and even I have had short periods of genius where living on the cheap is concerned, so I figure I might as well blog about it, as IT COSTS NOTHING TO WRITE A BLOG. See? This one is already full of hot tips.

Speaking of hot tips, check out this sex jam:

When I was trying to save up to go to Berlin to see Anna, the best trick ever was to decide that I would never ever spend twoonies. (I hate that word more than anything, btw. I just looked at it typed out for 30 seconds feeling mad and weirdly embarrassed about it and have decided to boycott it. $2 coin from now on. Canada, you are my weird embarrassing dad.) Anyway, I decided to never spend $2 coins. Once you get used to it, it is really easy to just pretend they are not money and to put them all in a jar when you get home, and they accumulate SO FAST. Particularly if you go out for drinks, sometimes you can come home with $18 in unspendable change in your purse, straight into your piggybank.  I think real grown-ups have automatic withdrawals that feed into savings accounts or whatever. I prefer to hoard change. So what?

This is pretty old news I guess, but it costs nothing to laugh at stupid babies getting smashed in the face by hilarious family pets. Babies are expensive, among other gross things. Not having babies is an excellent money saving tip:
http://animalsbeingdicks.com/

I got a job working for the Edmonton Arts Council, and while working for and arts organization is NEVER a good money saving idea, as it almost always involves a massive paycut, the money that I have saved in not having to drink my way through the drudgery of government work is not insignificant. I don't know if that is a tip or not.

I don't know why it took me a long time to give this a try, as it is clearly the best idea ever, but this has been saving my late August and early September life lately:

One time when I was in art school in Calgary, my friend Twyla and I decided that we were going to try to only spend $20 PER MONTH on groceries, as we were both broke ass broke and needed to retain as much money as possible to maintain our gin habits. We got this recipe from the Lady Vance, and while we both lost a few pounds and may have sustained some permanent brain damage, we managed to not die of scurvy for the duration of the experiment. I claim no responsibility whatsoever if you DO die of scurvy or anything else if you take a run at this diet, dummy.
There are no measurements in this salad. It is all to taste.
I guess it is kind of a red cabbage coleslaw, or something.
- Red cabbage, shredded & or sliced VERY THIN (one medium head)
- Grated ginger, LOTS. Seriously. LOTS. Fresh only.
- Grated carrots (three maybe?)
- Beets (raw) peeled and grated (Three or four? Maybe five if they are small?)
- Sesame seeds. Toasted is yummier, but follow your heart.
- Rice wine vinegar (don't be shy)
- Sesame oil (This creates a lot of the flavour and is also the part that will make you feel full, so don't be stingy, it's good).

This salad is ok on the first day, but gets DELICIOUS after sitting in the fridge over night. It keeps for like, a week. I used to make it in huge batches and eat it all week long. It is super nutritious (although not balanced, you gotta listen to your bod, starving will only screw your metabolism and hasn't been cool since highschool).


In honour of 2006 purple-mouthed and drunk Twyla and Amelia, here is a song off our soundtrack of that summer (we were total bangers back then. And still) :

Oh yeah! Speaking of Twyla, look at this AMAZING money saving tip I found on the Juxtapoz website... Tattoos are SO expensive, way out of Future Amelia's budget while she is cleaning up Past Amelia's financial mess. What to do:

Anyway, I am tired of this and am not doing a very good job of being an arts administrator right now. Pinch those pennies! We'll get through it!

With the money you save, please buy this for me:

Bye hot rascals!
xo
Motorjoan