Cram it!

Mister and I do this weird thing in the morning, where we both pick up our phones and before we really say good morning or acknowledge to each other that we are awake, we check Twitter, Instagram and in my case but not his, Facebook. I know that it is probably kind of gross that we do that, but it is what it is.  Anyway, I was peering at Twitter through one sleepy red eye and thought I must be dreaming;

http://pitchfork.com/news/44040-listen-torche-cover-guided-by-voices/

WHAT? IS? HAPPENING???

That is seriously harder for me to get my head around than the Lou Reed and Metallica thing was. (Probably partially because, I am sorry to say this because I know it is frowned upon, I don't really like Guided By Voices that much. Commence with the death threats, indie rock spazzers.) The thing that is the best about this super weird cover is that it is GOOD. Like SO GOOD.

Sigh. Torche is my boyfriend.

You know what is not good? The rash of really embarrassing public displays of deep douchiness by various institutions in Edmonton. I try to avoid internet fighting (my own and others'), because I get too riled and stop sleeping and start being grumpy to baristas and boyfriends, but frankly I am fucking tired of reading Jezebel articles about how shitty Edmonton is, especially when radio contests, fake tits billboards, lipstick-mouth shaped urinals and so on make it really REALLY hard to argue that this city that I love is not a backwater cesspool.

Who knows? Maybe it is. Maybe Edmonton is that shitty ex-boyfriend that you didn't realize TOTALLY sucked until a year after you left him and then you're mad that you wasted your hot years defending him to your friends.

Anyway, I signed a petition to stop The Bear's 'Win A Russian Bride' contest and received this absolutely amazing letter in response, stating that I must not understand the contest and that it had a different name now, so I shouldn't be mad:

 "From: "Vavrek, Rob" <rvavrek@astral.com>
To: Amelia Shultz-McPherson <>
Sent: Wednesday, September 21, 2011 11:16:21 AM
Subject: RE: Close the WIN A WIFE contest and publicly acknowledge its inappropriateness

Dear Amelia, we apologize that you have taken offense with our current contest as that was certainly not our intention and no disrespect was meant through this contest. Unfortunately, there seems to have been some misunderstanding  around the actual contest and what it entails.

 

The contest is being held in association with A Volga Girl, a serious and renowned company with offices in Canada. The company provides single and consenting adults, who have been screened and selected, the opportunity to contact and meet each other in the hopes of developing a serious relationship—a concept very similar to many other such contests held on reality-TV shows over the past few years around the world (i.e. - the Bachelor/Bachelorette). Rigorous selection criteria and principles of mutual consent, respect, and freedom of choice for each participant are at the very heart of this contest and all contests run by The Bear for its listeners and web users.

I also encourage you to refer to the contest rules by clicking here.

 

Also, to avoid any further confusion or misunderstanding regarding the contest, we have changed the name to Win a Russian Romance, as romance suggests an experience in which one has a chance to meet somebody in romantic circumstances, maybe even a soul mate. The contest consists of a trip to Russia and an introduction package with fully consenting adults. Nothing more is involved unless the willing and consenting parties agree to continue on and have a relationship on their own accord, a service that many online dating services provide such as Plenty o Fish, eHarmony, and Lavalife.

 

Once again we appreciate your comments and I can assure you all feedback from our listeners/web viewers is appreciated and held in the highest respect.

 

Warm Regards, Rob"

 ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? GAAAAHHH!!!

So here is what I said to Rob. I was trying to make words through sputtering rage, so it is not as articulate as I wish it had been, but:

"Wow, thanks for the incredibly condescending form email. Believe it or not, I do, in fact, understand the aim of your radio contest and renaming it after the fact not make it any less gross. This response makes it even more so. I suspect that YOU don't understand. Edmonton is all over the international press these days because of things like this, and we are a laughing stock. I hope you are proud.

Citing shows like the Bachelor/Bachelorette, (which are both also classless sexist trash) doesn't do much to help your cause. I hardly think that the standards of the worst of reality television should be the standards you hold yourself to.

I am tired of trying to defend Edmonton against outside criticism when things like this undermine anything I could possibly say trying to lead people to the conclusion that Edmonton is not a backwater hillbilly outpost. Catering to the lowest common denominator hurts us all. You are so embarrassing.

Regards,

Amelia"

 Help me, Edmonton. Help me love you.

One thing that IS totally great is that Dara Humniski, talent monster, got commissioned to to an installation in the Art Gallery of Alberta. Read about it here.   Dara has been recognized internationally for her work with Loyal Loot, she makes the most Want-List worthy jewellery in the city, and it is really really awesome to see someone so gifted and hard working get such a sweet gig.

I guess all we can do is try to do as many awesome things as possible and hopefully the howling goons won't drown us out entirely or depress us out of town.

I know that this is the season that everyone freaks out and gets super active about making stuff, so it will all be okay. It just gets scary when it feels like the fuckheads are winning. 

Check out these, um, Pearl Necklaces (Sterling silver. Schlorp!!) by Leah Piepgras. While you are checking them out, please buy me one, as they are hilarious:

Also, if I don't stop being so pissed off all the time, I may have to start wearing head to toe glitter every day, just to be able to have nice feelings again. Sequin Queen! I need you!

xo!