I think I got someone fired today, for sending racist emails.

Okay.  Time to get serious.

I started crocheting this blanket last night and it is going to be fucking AWESOME.  I am not even going to stick 'if I do say so myself' on that because I can totally tell already that if somebody else made the blanket that I am making I would yell about how awesome it is.  (maybe even with a little bit of dog hair stitched right into it, lucky whoever recieves it).  For real. I'll take some photos tonight and maybe post them tomorrow.   Anyway, I am getting pretty good at making stuff while reading internet this and that, and on the subject of blankets, I happened across some things that were pretty amazing.  Luke Haynes, for example.  I don't know why, in this day and age, it is still delightful and surprising that Luke is a man-quilter, but I was delighted and surprised by that.  Then I forgot all about that because PLEASE LOOK AT HOW AWESOME HIS SHIT IS:

This next one has completely topped my want list (and only sort of because this dog looks like Hector).  I totally dig the warped stitching around the dog, like he's ripping through time and space, as his expression indicates he is intending to do.

Bed burger.

 Dude quilt.  Love it.  Dig that shadow.

Oh man.

According to Luke's site, his collections include Man Stuff, American Nostalgia, Self-portraits, Flightless Birds, Objects & Accessories.

Really good textile art makes my pulse race.  Seriously. 

(via If It's Hip, It's Here)

I found a bunch of other ones but now I am sick of talking about blankets.  Sorry.  Check out Quiltsryche here: http://www.quiltsryche.com/  A little sugary, but check out the one called "I'm a Weiner" and the skull eating the alphabet!

Hot: Drummers.  Gahd.  I have dated almost exclusively drummers (sometimes on purpose, and sometimes I swear I had no idea) since I was 18, and I am not even going to TELL you how many years that has been, but I will tell you that I consider myself something of an expert on the subject, so  here is a short list of my favorite drummers.  (favorite/nailable, same/same.  I love objectifying talented people).  Not of all time.  Just of today.  I will not commit to this list.

Coady Willis - Big Business, The Melvins, Tight Bros, Murder City Devils etc.etc.etc.

John Stanier - Helmet, Battles, Tomohawk (any of you who saw the end of that Battles show a few years ago know what I am talking about). Pow.

Jack White doing anything is hot (except creating boring super-bands. Stop that, Jack)  Jack White drumming is a total panty explosion.  Observe:



I really don't have the attention span to be a very good blogger.  I am already tired of finding images and I haven't even gotten past the super obvious ones yet.  Can we just say that drummers are awesome?  Yes.  Okay.  My apologies for not getting to the awesome lady drummers.  There are many. 

Gazing at Jack White made me think of Detroit which made me think of these photos of Detroit decay.  (Sorry these were on my facebook recently, but I can never find anything on that damn site.)  Anyway, these were taken by French photographers Yves Marchand and Romain Meffre, and they are sad, beautiful, haunting, SPECTACULAR.  It almost never seems like a good idea to move to Detroit and live in a derelict building, but while you are flipping through that gallery, I guarantee you it will cross your mind. 

I wonder if people ever design buildings so that they will rot beautifully. 

Not in fucking Edmonton, Alberta, they don't.  That's for sure.

What else did I say I was going to write today?  Oh, a rant about band dudes and my Spring Want List.  Hmm.  (yawn).  I am going to get a little bit of office job work done first and see if I feel like doing that in a bit.

In the mean time, here is a recipe you should make.  They look kinda gnarly, but are delicious, and I guarantee you will eat all of them and get totally farty:

Kale Chips
1 bunch of kale
2 Tbs olive oil
1/2 lemon, juiced
1 tsp salt

• Preheat oven to 200
• Wash kale thoroughly and let dry
• Tear kale away from stem. Each kale leaf should be torn into about 6 or eight pieces
• Place kale, salt, olive oil and lemon into a bowl and mix together with your hands, gently massaging the kale with the oil, lemon and salt
• Lay kale out on a cookie sheet or pizza pan
• Place in over and set timer for 30 minutes
• At 30 minutes, remove from oven and gently unstick kale from pan if it has stuck and replace for another 10-15 minutes until kale is dry and crispy
• Allow to cool. Can store in fridge for up to a week

xo
Love, your pal Amelia

P.s. Get riled!  http://www.gigcity.ca/2011/03/26/arts-haven-loses-lease-landlord-says-it-doesnt-fit-in/  via Fish Griwkowsky

What? Sorry, wait... What?

Hello.

Are you still there?

I forgot about my blog because I was busy curled up in a ball under a snowbank snuggling my dog who so handsome and great, that I can forgive him for even this:

Luckily he has a taste for the cheap cotton ones and leaves my "occasion" undies alone.

So, I guess I am not going to really bother trying to catch up or explain why I just didn't post for 5 months.  Sort of.  I don't know.  I don't really think there is any sort of blogger protocol when you have fewer than 10 followers and even those are only following because they are nice friends, right?  And even if there is, I am not much for protocol.

I am, however, all for big plans.  I am basically counting down the seconds until the Burlesque Hall of Fame Weekend in Las Vegas.  This will be my third trip down for BHoF and I am extra excited about this one, since we are travelling in smaller packs this year and all the bump 'n' grind 'n' glitter won't be overwhelmed with proximity politics. 

Jo Boobs Weldon, my absolute burlesque Superhero:

                                       

I met her last year and was such a starstuck idiot that I TOTALLY humiliated myself.  Wah...  She has a book called The Burlesque Handbook, and I highly recommend that everyone read it.  Seriously.  She is a tough and smart lady, and even if you are not interested in doing or watching burlesque, she  doles out sage advice wrapped in rowdy anecdotes, sprinkled with cautionary tales, that are well worth the read.



Legends night!  Gahd!  I get rhinestone fever even thinking about it.  Watching burlesque pioneers who are still doing it, still making us titter and blush and howl, makes me so proud to do what we do.  Watching the dancers in the audience just utterly fucking lose composure because they are so overwhelmed with reverence, it is a pretty powerful thing to witness.  I hope that, when I am in my seventies, I still got it the way these ladies still got it.  SassaFRASS.  Here's Satan's Angel, maniac that she is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A-XGl7L4KMo  Total respect.

In honour of the upcoming Burlesque Hall of Fame, please check out this Victory Roll updo tutorial from Harriett, via the Bright Young Twins blog maintained by the cutest and fanciest ladies in London. (heart)  Happy pinning, ladies!  (My apologies if you, like me, end up throwing your hairbrush across the room in frustration at least 4 times whenever a Victory Roll is required of you.  Best of luck, truly).

Anyway.

Also I feel like I spent the winter with my head up my classic rock ass and I don't even know what music things are happening right now.  The Group Sound totally killed it the other night at the Michael Rault show.  I keep hearing good things about The Depression, who I have not yet checked out for reasons obvious to those who know me, which I am working very hard to get over because it is nicer when we all get along.  They are playing on April 15th with The Sorels at the Artery (The Sorels ft. Tim Gilbertson, who I totally love and you should too: http://www.myspace.com/killbertson) so I guess I will see them there.  Thank god there's some new movement in Edmonton, I was getting really nervous that I'd be listening to the same Whitey Houston record over and over for the rest of my life.

What else.  Oh yeah, I guess I always post a recipe, don't I?  Well, I don't really feel like it, but I will give you this advice.  Buy some smoked Paprika.  Seriously.  I used to think that Paprika was a decorative spice used by 50s house wives to make their hard-boiled eggs look fancier, but it turns out that SMOKED Paprika is the best fucking seasoning the world has ever known and it will make anything you cook with it the new best thing you have ever made.  I am not kidding.  I can't say enough good things.  I got mine here: http://www.epicureselections.com/en/ because our favorite Amy Van Keeken is a sales rep for them, but I betcha you can probably find it in other non-shitty food stores also. 

In parting, please look at this surprisingly soothing website (thanks, Bakker): http://thingsorganizedneatly.tumblr.com/

Coming soon: more pasties, a rant about band dudes, my Spring 2011 want (list vol 1), updated list of drummers I would love to nail and more hot cooking tips of similar quality to the one above.

Love,
Your pal Amelia