Desperate times, measures.

Friends...

That thing I said about maxing my credit to go on vacation and letting future Amelia suck on that rotten egg?? Well, it's me, future Amelia, and this egg tastes TERRIBLE. Fuck you, past Amelia. It's a good thing you enjoyed that vacation, you ASSHOLE.

So. We do autumn on a budget. This is doable, right? Some thrifted cardigans and a couple of homemade scarves over a summer dresses should hold me over until at least October, right? Right? Yeah right. I am screwed. I am going to be hunkered in my freezing apartment, eating boiled root vegetables and trying to figure out how to knit jeans by candle light.Wah.

This whole blog is devoted to penny pinching. It is not that hard, if you try. I am terrible with money, and even I have had short periods of genius where living on the cheap is concerned, so I figure I might as well blog about it, as IT COSTS NOTHING TO WRITE A BLOG. See? This one is already full of hot tips.

Speaking of hot tips, check out this sex jam:

When I was trying to save up to go to Berlin to see Anna, the best trick ever was to decide that I would never ever spend twoonies. (I hate that word more than anything, btw. I just looked at it typed out for 30 seconds feeling mad and weirdly embarrassed about it and have decided to boycott it. $2 coin from now on. Canada, you are my weird embarrassing dad.) Anyway, I decided to never spend $2 coins. Once you get used to it, it is really easy to just pretend they are not money and to put them all in a jar when you get home, and they accumulate SO FAST. Particularly if you go out for drinks, sometimes you can come home with $18 in unspendable change in your purse, straight into your piggybank.  I think real grown-ups have automatic withdrawals that feed into savings accounts or whatever. I prefer to hoard change. So what?

This is pretty old news I guess, but it costs nothing to laugh at stupid babies getting smashed in the face by hilarious family pets. Babies are expensive, among other gross things. Not having babies is an excellent money saving tip:
http://animalsbeingdicks.com/

I got a job working for the Edmonton Arts Council, and while working for and arts organization is NEVER a good money saving idea, as it almost always involves a massive paycut, the money that I have saved in not having to drink my way through the drudgery of government work is not insignificant. I don't know if that is a tip or not.

I don't know why it took me a long time to give this a try, as it is clearly the best idea ever, but this has been saving my late August and early September life lately:

One time when I was in art school in Calgary, my friend Twyla and I decided that we were going to try to only spend $20 PER MONTH on groceries, as we were both broke ass broke and needed to retain as much money as possible to maintain our gin habits. We got this recipe from the Lady Vance, and while we both lost a few pounds and may have sustained some permanent brain damage, we managed to not die of scurvy for the duration of the experiment. I claim no responsibility whatsoever if you DO die of scurvy or anything else if you take a run at this diet, dummy.
There are no measurements in this salad. It is all to taste.
I guess it is kind of a red cabbage coleslaw, or something.
- Red cabbage, shredded & or sliced VERY THIN (one medium head)
- Grated ginger, LOTS. Seriously. LOTS. Fresh only.
- Grated carrots (three maybe?)
- Beets (raw) peeled and grated (Three or four? Maybe five if they are small?)
- Sesame seeds. Toasted is yummier, but follow your heart.
- Rice wine vinegar (don't be shy)
- Sesame oil (This creates a lot of the flavour and is also the part that will make you feel full, so don't be stingy, it's good).

This salad is ok on the first day, but gets DELICIOUS after sitting in the fridge over night. It keeps for like, a week. I used to make it in huge batches and eat it all week long. It is super nutritious (although not balanced, you gotta listen to your bod, starving will only screw your metabolism and hasn't been cool since highschool).


In honour of 2006 purple-mouthed and drunk Twyla and Amelia, here is a song off our soundtrack of that summer (we were total bangers back then. And still) :

Oh yeah! Speaking of Twyla, look at this AMAZING money saving tip I found on the Juxtapoz website... Tattoos are SO expensive, way out of Future Amelia's budget while she is cleaning up Past Amelia's financial mess. What to do:

Anyway, I am tired of this and am not doing a very good job of being an arts administrator right now. Pinch those pennies! We'll get through it!

With the money you save, please buy this for me:

Bye hot rascals!
xo
Motorjoan