I am terrified of the US Federal Election.

I can't even be on the internet today. Everyone is so anxious. Uselessly urging all their like-minded friends on Facebook (who are either Canadian or Democrats) to NOT vote for that awful man. I think there should be a provision in NAFTA that allows Canadians to have some sort of secondary level vote for the American President, since it is going to affect us too. Doesn't that seem fair? More fair than us sitting up here helplessly watching and gnawing on our bloody cuticles and and pretending that we believe in god so that we have someone to beg to not let this go wrong?

Not that Obama is the golden saviour we all thought he would be, but the alternative is so terrifying. At least Obama seems like a rational human who gives a single shit about other humans. (And he's handsome).

We have our own nightmare running the show up here in frosty Canadia. Imagine Harper and Romney as a team? Oh god, how I wish you were there.

Is it possible to fake your own death and move to some deserted tiny island off the coast of Thailand in this day and age? Can it be done? Can someone show me how, because if shit goes down the way I am afraid it will go down, I can't stand to watch what will happen next.

I found this, but it seems to be written by someone who isn't very smart. I do not feel confident that this person could successfully fake a death and disappear. They have CLEARLY never seen an episode of CSI or Law and Order in their lives.  Do not take this person's advice: http://www.wikihow.com/Fake-Your-Own-Death

This guy did it, but definitely lacked the necessary commitment: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2072033/Canoe-man-John-Darwin-describes-easy-fake-death-life-insurance-payout.html Don't go back to your shitty hometown so you can do house repairs, ya numbskull. ESPECIALLY when you were already all the way to Panama with a stack of cash and were CLEARLY in no danger of getting caught. Dummy.

If President Mitt becomes a thing outside of my worst imaginings and I am forced to fake my own death and move somewhere tropical, I won't come back. I hate doing household fixing jobs.

Living on a deserted island seems like it could be ok... (meow):

Sorry. That was gross of me.

But not as gross as this:

Anyway, if anyone reads this who is ACTUALLY a registered American voter, particularly if you are on the fence for whatever reason, please please don't let us down. And if anything like this happens to you: http://jezebel.com/5958108/oh-lovely-at-least-one-voting-machine-in-pennsylvania-isnt-accepting-votes-for-obama?utm_campaign=socialflow_jezebel_facebook&utm_source=jezebel_facebook&utm_medium=socialflow or this: http://thenextweb.com/shareables/2012/11/06/reddit-user-captures-video-of-2012-voting-machines-altering-votes/  REPORT IT.

There are these layers upon layers of politicking and it is so exhausting trying to figure out one real thing in what is going on. It's so insidious and it's so hard not to be cynical. It makes me feel tired and sad and old. 

Anyway, if I "die tragically" when this is all done, Fish gets my records, Norm gets my books, Amy Van Keeken gets my accessories and no one is fucking allowed to read my old diaries!

xo