I think I got someone fired today, for sending racist emails.

Okay.  Time to get serious.

I started crocheting this blanket last night and it is going to be fucking AWESOME.  I am not even going to stick 'if I do say so myself' on that because I can totally tell already that if somebody else made the blanket that I am making I would yell about how awesome it is.  (maybe even with a little bit of dog hair stitched right into it, lucky whoever recieves it).  For real. I'll take some photos tonight and maybe post them tomorrow.   Anyway, I am getting pretty good at making stuff while reading internet this and that, and on the subject of blankets, I happened across some things that were pretty amazing.  Luke Haynes, for example.  I don't know why, in this day and age, it is still delightful and surprising that Luke is a man-quilter, but I was delighted and surprised by that.  Then I forgot all about that because PLEASE LOOK AT HOW AWESOME HIS SHIT IS:

This next one has completely topped my want list (and only sort of because this dog looks like Hector).  I totally dig the warped stitching around the dog, like he's ripping through time and space, as his expression indicates he is intending to do.

Bed burger.

 Dude quilt.  Love it.  Dig that shadow.

Oh man.

According to Luke's site, his collections include Man Stuff, American Nostalgia, Self-portraits, Flightless Birds, Objects & Accessories.

Really good textile art makes my pulse race.  Seriously. 

(via If It's Hip, It's Here)

I found a bunch of other ones but now I am sick of talking about blankets.  Sorry.  Check out Quiltsryche here: http://www.quiltsryche.com/  A little sugary, but check out the one called "I'm a Weiner" and the skull eating the alphabet!

Hot: Drummers.  Gahd.  I have dated almost exclusively drummers (sometimes on purpose, and sometimes I swear I had no idea) since I was 18, and I am not even going to TELL you how many years that has been, but I will tell you that I consider myself something of an expert on the subject, so  here is a short list of my favorite drummers.  (favorite/nailable, same/same.  I love objectifying talented people).  Not of all time.  Just of today.  I will not commit to this list.

Coady Willis - Big Business, The Melvins, Tight Bros, Murder City Devils etc.etc.etc.

John Stanier - Helmet, Battles, Tomohawk (any of you who saw the end of that Battles show a few years ago know what I am talking about). Pow.

Jack White doing anything is hot (except creating boring super-bands. Stop that, Jack)  Jack White drumming is a total panty explosion.  Observe:



I really don't have the attention span to be a very good blogger.  I am already tired of finding images and I haven't even gotten past the super obvious ones yet.  Can we just say that drummers are awesome?  Yes.  Okay.  My apologies for not getting to the awesome lady drummers.  There are many. 

Gazing at Jack White made me think of Detroit which made me think of these photos of Detroit decay.  (Sorry these were on my facebook recently, but I can never find anything on that damn site.)  Anyway, these were taken by French photographers Yves Marchand and Romain Meffre, and they are sad, beautiful, haunting, SPECTACULAR.  It almost never seems like a good idea to move to Detroit and live in a derelict building, but while you are flipping through that gallery, I guarantee you it will cross your mind. 

I wonder if people ever design buildings so that they will rot beautifully. 

Not in fucking Edmonton, Alberta, they don't.  That's for sure.

What else did I say I was going to write today?  Oh, a rant about band dudes and my Spring Want List.  Hmm.  (yawn).  I am going to get a little bit of office job work done first and see if I feel like doing that in a bit.

In the mean time, here is a recipe you should make.  They look kinda gnarly, but are delicious, and I guarantee you will eat all of them and get totally farty:

Kale Chips
1 bunch of kale
2 Tbs olive oil
1/2 lemon, juiced
1 tsp salt

• Preheat oven to 200
• Wash kale thoroughly and let dry
• Tear kale away from stem. Each kale leaf should be torn into about 6 or eight pieces
• Place kale, salt, olive oil and lemon into a bowl and mix together with your hands, gently massaging the kale with the oil, lemon and salt
• Lay kale out on a cookie sheet or pizza pan
• Place in over and set timer for 30 minutes
• At 30 minutes, remove from oven and gently unstick kale from pan if it has stuck and replace for another 10-15 minutes until kale is dry and crispy
• Allow to cool. Can store in fridge for up to a week

xo
Love, your pal Amelia

P.s. Get riled!  http://www.gigcity.ca/2011/03/26/arts-haven-loses-lease-landlord-says-it-doesnt-fit-in/  via Fish Griwkowsky

What? Sorry, wait... What?

Hello.

Are you still there?

I forgot about my blog because I was busy curled up in a ball under a snowbank snuggling my dog who so handsome and great, that I can forgive him for even this:

Luckily he has a taste for the cheap cotton ones and leaves my "occasion" undies alone.

So, I guess I am not going to really bother trying to catch up or explain why I just didn't post for 5 months.  Sort of.  I don't know.  I don't really think there is any sort of blogger protocol when you have fewer than 10 followers and even those are only following because they are nice friends, right?  And even if there is, I am not much for protocol.

I am, however, all for big plans.  I am basically counting down the seconds until the Burlesque Hall of Fame Weekend in Las Vegas.  This will be my third trip down for BHoF and I am extra excited about this one, since we are travelling in smaller packs this year and all the bump 'n' grind 'n' glitter won't be overwhelmed with proximity politics. 

Jo Boobs Weldon, my absolute burlesque Superhero:

                                       

I met her last year and was such a starstuck idiot that I TOTALLY humiliated myself.  Wah...  She has a book called The Burlesque Handbook, and I highly recommend that everyone read it.  Seriously.  She is a tough and smart lady, and even if you are not interested in doing or watching burlesque, she  doles out sage advice wrapped in rowdy anecdotes, sprinkled with cautionary tales, that are well worth the read.



Legends night!  Gahd!  I get rhinestone fever even thinking about it.  Watching burlesque pioneers who are still doing it, still making us titter and blush and howl, makes me so proud to do what we do.  Watching the dancers in the audience just utterly fucking lose composure because they are so overwhelmed with reverence, it is a pretty powerful thing to witness.  I hope that, when I am in my seventies, I still got it the way these ladies still got it.  SassaFRASS.  Here's Satan's Angel, maniac that she is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A-XGl7L4KMo  Total respect.

In honour of the upcoming Burlesque Hall of Fame, please check out this Victory Roll updo tutorial from Harriett, via the Bright Young Twins blog maintained by the cutest and fanciest ladies in London. (heart)  Happy pinning, ladies!  (My apologies if you, like me, end up throwing your hairbrush across the room in frustration at least 4 times whenever a Victory Roll is required of you.  Best of luck, truly).

Anyway.

Also I feel like I spent the winter with my head up my classic rock ass and I don't even know what music things are happening right now.  The Group Sound totally killed it the other night at the Michael Rault show.  I keep hearing good things about The Depression, who I have not yet checked out for reasons obvious to those who know me, which I am working very hard to get over because it is nicer when we all get along.  They are playing on April 15th with The Sorels at the Artery (The Sorels ft. Tim Gilbertson, who I totally love and you should too: http://www.myspace.com/killbertson) so I guess I will see them there.  Thank god there's some new movement in Edmonton, I was getting really nervous that I'd be listening to the same Whitey Houston record over and over for the rest of my life.

What else.  Oh yeah, I guess I always post a recipe, don't I?  Well, I don't really feel like it, but I will give you this advice.  Buy some smoked Paprika.  Seriously.  I used to think that Paprika was a decorative spice used by 50s house wives to make their hard-boiled eggs look fancier, but it turns out that SMOKED Paprika is the best fucking seasoning the world has ever known and it will make anything you cook with it the new best thing you have ever made.  I am not kidding.  I can't say enough good things.  I got mine here: http://www.epicureselections.com/en/ because our favorite Amy Van Keeken is a sales rep for them, but I betcha you can probably find it in other non-shitty food stores also. 

In parting, please look at this surprisingly soothing website (thanks, Bakker): http://thingsorganizedneatly.tumblr.com/

Coming soon: more pasties, a rant about band dudes, my Spring 2011 want (list vol 1), updated list of drummers I would love to nail and more hot cooking tips of similar quality to the one above.

Love,
Your pal Amelia

Basically

So things do not get much better than they have been going lately.  I am not trying to be funny.

I have not had the greatest times being unemployed, and I am not even sure why.  It seems kind of wasteful, but I spent a lot of time sleeping, I think.  I don't know.  It is all a little hazy, but now that I am a Temporary Secretary (see yesterday's post) and am waiting for a placement to come along, days are getting so fun!

First of all, one of my top five favorite pals of all time asked me to be the

 to her

 (except PLATONIC, of course) when she goes to her sister's wedding in Mexico in the spring!  Yeeeeeeeahhhhh!  Honestly I am not sure how it is legal for the two of us to hang out in our own country, let alone someone else's, but it tis the plan none the less.  I am happy that we both already got our buddy tattoos so we don't drunkenly stagger into a Mexican tattoo parlour and demand to have eachothers' names tattooed on our noses or something.  Barely far fetched, we just have that kind of friendship.

Also I found out that my little sister is getting married in June and have started looking for cute wedding ideas as she seems a bit overwhelmed and I am planning to help out a lot.  It is weird looking at so many wedding blogs.  It is difficult to not get swept up in that bridal mania...  especially when weddings are getting so cute these days!  Look at this....  How am I supposed to avoid wedding fever in the face of this?!?  Poor Mr. 

Anyway, if anyone has any cute ideas, I am looking for some.

Also today, I had my first drum lesson in a zillion months.  This is a video of my second lesson (don't judge, assholes, I am a beginner).  I had a few more after that video and then haven't played since like, mid-January.  So anyway, it was really fun and Mr. and I had a little drum battle because he has two kits set up right now (*swooooon!!!!!!*  Anyone who knows my history with drummers will know how much that makes me drool). 

Also, when we took a break for lunch, Mr. drank his Coke too fast and got belchy and belched the lyrics to this song to me, while we sat IN PUBLIC, eating our lunch.  There are like 350 zillion really good reasons that I am totally crazy about that guy, and burping Lionel as an honest and genuine expression of affection is right up there near the top.  Lionel Ritchie has the weirdest face...

Intensity!!

Coming over to say hello with INTENSITY.

Hey!  I have never gone for Dim Sum before ever in my life.  I have decided this is unacceptable.  I would please like for someone to take me for Dim Sum as soon as possible.  Ok?  Mr. and I had super delish stickyrice in lotus leaves and I realised that if I were the type of person that went for Dim Sum regularly, I would get to eat sticky rice all the time, which would be the best possible scenario, until it came to pants-shopping time.

Anyway, let's go!  Let's do everything!

xo Motorjoan

xo Motorjoan

Times

In light of recent developments, please enjoy this:

Temporary Secretary - Paul McCartney

What a fucking weird phase.

Anyway...  There are so many things going on right now.  Have you noticed that there is an awesome show every single night until like, mid-November?  What a shitty time to be busted ass broke.  If anyone wants to take me as their date for shows, I will be very fun, will accept drinks and will absolutely not put out.  Takers?

New dance shoes!  The CCB ladies all have pro-shod feets now!  We all have matching these (except ours are cute and black and possibly have a one inch higher heel?  They look much hotter on eleven ladies' hot legs, trust me.  Just wait until you see the kick lines we are going to bust out in these...

I decided today that I was going to take a bunch of photos of my sewing projects and post them.  For kicks I also took a photo of how messy my sewing room is (I am in dire need of organizational furniture) and because I am so bad at technology, that was the only photo that survived.

So instead of all my pretty costumes and pannies and accessories and pasties etc, here is a photo of my messy sewing table:

Somewhere in that pile is a bunch of pairs of these cute high-waisted satin panties with ruffles, and also, bottom centre is the dress that I am working on, which is now half done (eeee!).  I am pretty disappointed about losing the other photos, but kind of tickled by the fact that I am the only adult in the world who can't use a fucking iPhone.  I will reshoot the other photos and not delete them by accident this time. 

I am pretty excited to do another shoot with Gravedanger Photography.   

Erin and I have something cooking, and I think it is going to be really great.  May even bust out some original costume pieces for the shoot!  Gravy is super talented and, against all odds, really comfortable to work with.  I highly recommend that anyone jump at the chance to get photos with this dude.

What the fuck?

  I don't know why this text

is all

center

aligned

now. 

I

fucking

hate

technology.

Gravy took this photo.  Not so bad for an old broad, hey?

Okay, that's all.  No soup recipes today.  Mr. is trying to crawl into my earhole because I have been ignoring him in favour of the internet for too long. 

I have dog hair stuck to me in the most unbelievable places!

xo Motorjoan

Polyester Pants on Fire

I am looking for some good burlesque movies for this movie night I am having for the CCB ladies next weekend.  Any ideas?  I got The Night They Raided Minsky's and I got 2 Cyd Cherisse films because I loooooooove her, but I feel like I need one more backup in case those suck.  I welcome suggestions.  I would also be into hearing about any thematically appropriate snack ideas. 

Anyway.  Another crappy cold day, another home made soup recipe.  This one I sort of made up, partly because this other girl that I know talked about making a Moroccan inspired soup using the always gnarly eggplant (it seems exotic!  I have never used it before!)

Anyway, I faked it and it is AWESOME and it is even Vegan again, so I think everyone should make it.  It will be like a spicy Moroccan mustached man is hugging your tummy from the inside!!  Yum! 

First, preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.  Also start thinking of some other things you can be doing while this soup cooks, because it takes a while to get delicious.

Ingredient list:
1 eggplant
1 sweet potato
1 cup (ish) of red lentils
2 cups of stock
2 handfulls of fresh spinach
zest and juice of half a lemon
2 tsp tumeric
a bit of cumin
1/2 tsp of cinnamon
salt
black pepper
red chili flakes
2 tbsp olive oil
1 yellow onion
1 yellow pepper
a couple of carrots
8 cloves garlic


Cut one eggplant (unpeeled) and one sweet potato (peeled) into 1 inch chunks, toss in a tablespoon or two of olive oil, season with salt and pepper and roast for 15-20 minutes.

In a large soup pot, heat a small amount of olive oil.  Add one diced yellow onion and 8 cloves of garlic and cook until translucent.  Add 2 cups of veggie stock, one cup of red lentils (or more, follow your heart on this one, I added lots),   Add roasted eggplant and sweet potato.  Add one tomato, chopped in 1 inch chunks, some coarsely chopped  fresh spinach, 2 chopped carrots, 2 tsp tumeric, a dash of cinnamon, a dash of cumin, some red chili flakes (or just a buttload of black pepper, up to you).  Bring it to a boil for a minute or two and then reduce to a simmer.  Let it bubble for 90 minutes. 

See?  Here is where you need a task.  I designed a dress, and got it cut out and pinned.  I'll post photos when it is done. I think it is going to be pretty cute.  Maybe you could watch this and feel good about life, or you could make some Twilight themed crafts, or start watching the best show in the universe and get super horny for bikers. 

Okay.  So after the soup has simmered for 90 minutes, add the zest and juice of half a lemon and a chopped yellow pepper.  Cook for another 20 minutes and serve it up with some dense awesome bread.  The sweet potato gets all soft and buttery tasting.  This soup rules, I am not ashamed to say it.


Okay, anyway, today started out with 4 grim hours of engaging in the most degrading of all acts...  applying for work.  Gahd.  I sat with this really nice lady trying to keep a straight face while telling her that all my life's dreams and ambitions culminate in a job covering some receptionist's maternity leave.  Yeesh.  I had to dig all my office lady clothes out of storage.  So here we go again, I guess.  Type, type, file file, pencil skirts and paper cuts.

I am still looking for things that will help me pay my mortgage and not make turn my heart into a joyless wasteland.  I doubt I will find it making Excel spreadsheets, but I suppose one never knows.

I really forgot how much applying for jobs involves totally not telling the truth.  I mean, not like, pretending to be an astronaught or whatever, but man, I felt like a real dick when i overstated my Microsoft Office proficiency...  I just hate this whole business.  I would do anything to go back to the days of being a lifer at Blackbyrd... 

I promise this will be the last blog with no photos.  I know they are boring as shit to read when there is nothing to look at.  I'm sorry.  I will do better.  To make up for it, look at this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cqi5F5MqqTQ

xo Motorjoan

I Wanna Be Domesticated

A grey, shitty, cold Sunday afternoon:

(again)

So, I know we are freezing and pissed off about this weather. It is Sunday, we are all paying the piper for whatever fun we had yesterday (dear everyone who could afford the Helmet/Bison B.C. show last night, I hope you have whiskeyshits all day, jerks.), desperately snuggling up to our pets, hoping they'll make us feel better instead of just shedding all over our gross Sunday sweatpants.

Dire fucking times, pals. 

To make myself feel better I decided to make cute lunch for my beloved and I and it worked!  Making stuff from scratch seems like an accomplishment, and having it be delicious feels like a triumph and having a warm inside to counteract this BOGUS weather outside seems like I am delivering a well-earned fuck you to mother nature, who's been doing us all so wrong since spring.  So I want to share.  Here are the recipes.  Make good food.  Feel nicer.

Parsnip and Pear Soup

You'll need:
2 lbs of parsnips, ends trimmed, peeled
1 medium red onion, peeled & quartered
2 cloves of garlic, whole & unpeeled
salt and pepper (go easy on the salt in this one, trust me)
1-2 Tbsp olive oil
1 large or 2 medium pears, peeled and cubed
2 cups of low sodium stock
1-2 Tbsp minced fresh thyme or parsley
(The original recipe said there is an option to add 1/4 cup of heavy cream, but it is super good without it, and also happens to be Vegan without it if you care about that, so I say SKIP IT.)
Also, this is not in the recipe, but I added a little sploosh of white wine and it was totally awesome, so I recommend splooshing some white wine if you have any around.

Okay, here is what you do:
Preheat oven to 375 degrees (F).  Place parsnips, onion and garlic on a rimmed baking sheet; season with salt & pepper & olive oil.  Toss to coat.

Roast for 30-40 minutes or until vegetables are lightly browned.  Remove pan from oven.  Set aside for 10 minutes.  Cut parsnips into chunks and put into a pot with onion, peeled garlic, pear & stock.  Bring to a boil.  Reduce heat to simmer, and cook uncovered until pear is tender (5 minutes-ish).  Add herbs, cook 5 minutes more.  Use immersion blender to puree.  Add salt & pepper.  Serve hot.

---------------------------

Okay let's take a break to watch this awesome video and listen to this awesome band, ok?  Be careful, I have not yet determined if the video is trying to convince me to join a cult or not....  The band is so great though!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zfcHq0hhFWg&feature=channel

Right?  So awesome. 


I really should learn how to embed videos.  Add it to the list, grandma.
So.  I was going to type out another recipe, but I don't really feel like it anymore.  Make biscuits that have something delicious baked into the middle.  You can do it.  The internet can help you, but not this internet, because I am bored with that now.

What else....?

Oh, I have been making fancy undies, sleep accessories, robes, costumes, pasties, etc in anticipation of this winter's Royal Bison, and also in the hopes that someday I will get my shit scraped together and get my Etsy page running.  I am really excited about some of the stuff that has come out of this endeavour, and I hope some other people will be too.  Otherwise I have 250 pairs of ruffly underwear on my hands.  Feck.  Photos soon.  In the mean time, look at these things:

You know that library smell that is THE GREATEST?  Some genius bottled it.  Seriously.  I hope they make a plug-in air scenter thing.

Dear anyone who likes me and wishes for my happiness.  Give me everything Gisele Ganne has ever made.  Thank you.

Skulls.  I can't get enough of them.  Check this guy out.

So that's that for now, I think.

Also I have this new blog now.

xo
Motorjoan.